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adjusting   
01:06am 25/01/2008
 
mood: lonely
so i dont know what my big hurry is to be in a relationship, theres really no point. since im not happy with myself how am i ever going to make someone else happy. i just need to get used to being alone and working on myself from now on. i know that it will take some time and at least i know what i want in a person. thats one step closer to full happiness. i just need the patience to be able to do so. i guess ive just been lonely. but i cant just settle for something or someone less than what i feel i deserve. ive been a good person i deserve something good in my life. i think the weather has been getting to me. the cold and the darkness has me wanting comfort. even if that comfort is something less than needed. 

i cant rely on anyone but myself. afterall we are all alone in the end what difference does it make. when i die and the people that care about me and all the memories are gone it would be like i never exsisted in the first place. so whats the point? i guess i need to do the best i can with myself. and maybe if im lucky everything else will fall into place. ive never been a selfish person but maybe its time to be. i guess its whats needed in my life. not someone to hold my hand and guide me the whole way. this is my life and im going to make it that way.  
 
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watch the sun rise with me   
04:42pm 10/04/2006
 
mood: cold
what would it be like if you found that one person...that one person that made you feel like you could fly, that you could do anything? it didnt matter if you just saw that person once a week over a cup of coffee, just as long as you saw them, thats all that mattered. that they were happy even if it wasnt with you, it still made you happy to see them happy. what would it be like to have met that person??

there are so many things i want to say to him but he never gave me the chance.


if that night never happened we would still have our friendship, because thats all i really ever cared about
 
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today   
05:21pm 16/02/2006
 
mood: cold
im finding the perks of being a wallflower to be a very good book. i was ify about it at first but it intrigues me. im trying to apply to Ringling school of art and design and its a process. i need slides and such. im developing my first film today its pretty rad. hm..theres a word i havent used in awhile. i dont understand why people find some words to be overused, or old. i dont think that they are. im debating weather hard to get is really worth it. im moving to florida but i guess you cant help who you like. i cant force myself to stop and to like someone else. im a fickle person so i guess only time will tell.

im on my break right now so im assuming i will have to keep this short. i have a journal. not a cheesey online one but a real one. thatve had since the dawn of time. her name was lucy but i figured there was need for a name so i named it nameless. to whomever will find it in the future. no names, just thoughts about the world and my life. the things that happen to me and the significance in friendship. things like that. i miss writing in it.

speaking of writing though, im getting better at it i guess. at least my writing teacher seems to think so. i must say there were some things i was proud of in my last assignment. enough of this rambling. i must get back to class
 
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this just cant get any better.   
12:16pm 13/02/2006
 
mood: crappy
im making things way too difficult for myself and everyday i wish it was summer so that i could be out of this town, out of newhampshire. away from everyone i know. just start all over. a nice clean slate. theres more that florida has to offer me at this moment. although im going to miss SOME people, most of them i won't. i like to get myself into situations that just make things awful. iev ruined peoples lives, our friendships and i made myself look like a fool.. im sick of it. i need to get my act together and i feel like i cant do that here. i need to get out.
 
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heres to the end of the world.   
12:30pm 09/02/2006
  its comming, we all know it. granted it probably won't happen for awhile, perhaps 200 years or so. it was 228 years ago that the declaration was made, so if you think about it 200 years isnt a long time. the world will decompose itself. we will use all the trees and the people will have no choice to move to the cities along the coasts. because there will be no gas for travel. the animals will die off and the ones left will have to be kept in small areas where they will catch dieases from eachother, making the meat bad and people sick. people will get sick from eachother since they will be living so close to one another. there will be so many medications that the average death will be 100, possibily higher. but theres also the possiblity that there will be so many new viruses mutating themselves that they will have to give so many different medications to people that the medications will kill the people. global warming will make make the polar ice melt. making the water rise and the trees to be swallowed up by the water so that slowly there will be absolutly no trees left and the human race will be left for extintion.

every pyschic ever asked about what will hapen to the human race all respond with the same thing, that they do not see ANYTHING of the human race past 2200. the end of the world will be upon us.
 
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holy fuckshit   
05:04pm 05/02/2006
 
mood: relaxed
oh man...i havent wrote in this thing is sooo long. i almost forgot that i had it. things have changed alot. i worked at ac moore for over a year and stopped working there to work at hot topic, which i find is a great disappointment and miss ac moore, but since i left there was drama..i quit because i hated the manager(whom got fired pon my leaving) i dont know why exactly.
all the girls at hot topic are mean and close minded. which is the exact opposite of myself. i love to try new things and listen to every kind of music but they dont. the guys there are awesome and funny but the girls overrule the guys, but i must say there is only one girl i dont mind. only because she has the personality of a guy and shes funny.
ive been hanging out with dave lately and he rocks my socks. it kinda sucks how he doesnt trust me, only because he's been lied to so many times by his ex's. but i know trust doesnt come easy.


i need to get out of nashua, even if its just for a vacation because i hate it here. pretty much all of NH, its not nashua, but its the people. i hate just walking to the store, if you pass someone they dont say hi, they just look away and make you feel like shit. like your not even worth a hello. and if you do say hi to someone you dont know and try to start a friendly conversation they get weirded out and are like dont talk to me i dont know you. how are you ever supposed to know someone if you dont talk to them?? i need to be in a friendlier atmosphere. so i might move to florida, granted its not the ideal being surrounded by old people. but at least there are some areas where there are enough colleges around to make it seem like theres not as many old people. plus i love the snow and mountains, why would i leave that behind?? this will take alot of thinking..


im not much for a city gal. too much noise, too many people, too much smoke, too much traffic, too many buildings, you cant watch the sunset over the streets and think of it as beautiful. too many things taken for granted.

a time ill never forget.
going up to andres institute, its sunny and fall. dave, ian, cohen, and myself walked up the side of the mountain and it started to get dark. dave led the way through the woods following a path. we came to a small clearing with a fire pit and a cluster of plastic chairs. just in time to watch the sky fade into shades of pink and orange. ian brought his guitar and played a melody as cohen drew the closest sculpture. we stayed until all the colors of the setting sun faded away into the night.

i wanted to stay in that moment forever.
 
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you'll feel better when you cannot feel   
04:45am 16/02/2005
 
mood: bored
alot of drama lately. im sick of people.

why are girls such bitches?
i dont get along with most of them.

hopefully working at pine street eatery soon. i shall call them tonight.

now that i have a life i never write in my lj anymore. aww poor fuckface becky..shes still at pathetic as ever..

she'll be one face i won't miss.



going to the my chem. romance show itll be cool. alot of my friends are going.


i cant wait til im out of highschool. this summer is going to be fun. canada, wildcat, hampton...fun stuff. soon i will be getting a tattoo. i havent decided where yet.

i havent talked to brittney in awhile my phone sucks and i lost the charger. at least i have a house phone now.
 
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fucking christmas music   
02:56pm 23/12/2004
 
mood: relaxed
tis two days til christmas.

im excited about my huge catapillar!

gunbound...aw amazing

shopping is over..no money left.

im proud of myself though, i did so well

allyssa left for new york until the 3rd =(

yes! lots more ricky time! vacation.

snowboarding

ice skating??

fun stuff

my dove moo <3<3

guessing and asking what if, is all over
 
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08:23am 17/12/2004
  i think im going to start looking for a new job, im sick of ac moore.

crossing my fingers to get that dodge stratus after christmas..shall be a good time.

christmas eve at rickys. meeting his entire family will be cool.

harassment from brian..grr on you.

why didn't they always have a four leave clover in lucky charms..doesnt it make sense. oh.. the smart people in the this world.

alot of shit to do this weekend hopefully ill be able to get it all done by monday.

poor jenny...feel better, i heart you!!

salut!
 
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your words are cancer in my mouth   
08:02am 13/12/2004
 
mood: sick
good day but bad feeling

i want to help write lyrics

be of some use

villa bonca tonight..shall be interesting

finish christmas shopping

moody lately

theres a reason we all have to hit the ground at some point and wake up feeling nausea

i want to get out of the fucking school and burn it down

bathroom
 
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ok, so what if you don't like them?   
08:16am 08/12/2004
 
mood: loved
So she says
"Everyone's going to the party,
won't you come if I come
with a friend for your friend?
I'd be so pleased to see you
out of the classroom wearing the smile that I'll bring you.
I was hoping to learn a few things like..
Do you do you like dishing the dirt
on the whole class &
talking the big smack &
playing the fool &
wearing all of the latest fashions
or bucking the new trends
wearing your old threads.
If you like coffee in the evening.
These are a few things that I'd like to know
that I'd like to know"

So I said...
"I've been scheduled to work but I'll call in
and my friend isn't busy
he'd be happy to join me
and maybe my friend
and your friend
will hit it off or maybe we will?"

I'm dying to know
do you do you like dreaming of things
so impossible or only the practical
or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days
just to end them with
someone you care about
and do you like making out
and long drives and brown eyes
and guys that just
don't quite fit in
yeah do you like them
So yes, I'll see you there.



my dove moo
 
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shit out of luck   
11:37pm 04/12/2004
  shitty night at work

fuck becky

sorry danny

fuck pat

sorry mary

fuck work


i want to tell the bitch off..i think i will next time i see her. egging her car sounds like a good plan. killing her sounds better though.




yeah.. this is ricky, kristina is actually smiling this whole time.. oh happy kristina.. cherrrry kristina.... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww


uhm cough yeah... anyways..
my livejournal needs uhm to be updated so if your interested in faking like your me and would like a journal reply to this izm... yeah


brian you suck. : )
 
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09:50am 01/12/2004
 
mood: amused
you're a satanist?

do you even know what that means? saying it means atheism..dumbass. don't wear the fucking cross if you don't even know what it means. i can't wait til some jesus freak kicks your ass.



im crossing my fingers hoping i didn't catch rickys mono.

i've been hanging out with britt again, very exciting. i got to meet the kid she likes. he seems nice..shy but nice. he reminds me alot of a kid i know.

ryans show is comming up, im going with britt. shall be fun.

mucho grande arguments with ricky lately. they were resolved and things are better.

i've got to get kicking with this whole college thing. i didn't even take my sat's yet. even though i'de much rather take my act's, i heard they are easier. so im moving to california when i get a chance..after moving to montreal for a couple years.

i've decided to dignose myself as bipolar. nice to meet you.
 
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yo foo   
12:52am 28/11/2004
 
mood: bouncy
eh..

rickys sick

brians in puerto rico

been christmas shopping

finally hanging out with britt since i havent in a million years

work sucks as usual..busy lately

i need to get out more

i dont want to go back to school



peace out home slice
 
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eh..   
08:29am 23/11/2004
  things have been getting a little crazy lately. im probably going to be moving soon. my grandfather is going to die soon. he most likely isnt going to make it through the winter. sucks. at least im starting to feel like myself again. last night was a mistake. i hated the feeling..knowing that someone has taken your place. i want to bring a knife to her throat. but im sure ill get arrested and thrown in prison for the rest of my life and i really dont believe that worthless peice of shit is worth being put in jail for forever so i changed my mind

farewell
 
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depressing days...   
08:19am 09/11/2004
 
mood: depressed
thursday will suck.

taking sunday off.

sunday will suck

friday sucked

postal service broke..need a new one.

the incredibles. great movie. bad memory

annoying people. school sucks.

-$

die in a fire.
 
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03:37pm 03/11/2004
  i walk away from this with blood on my hand

dream of every moment before this dispair

a crime not to be forgotten, never to be undone

so hear it hollow my head

watch my body go limp of life
 
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08:07am 28/10/2004
 
mood: sleepy
why versus rome tomorrow..should be a great show. dont know who im going with yet. maybe brittney if shes not busy. hanging out with her tonight i havent seen her in along time.

no school yesturday. went to dennys and kohls with ricky. good times..watching starwars all day

so today seems like a long day. i just want to go home. 2 projects due today. presentation with both. eh..oh the excitement

i kinda yelled at josh at work. i kinda feel bad cuz im always so mean to him, but then again he was talking shit. not cool

halloweens sunday, my favorite holiday. going with mandi, ricky and brittney. that is if nothing backfires..which is garenteed to happen. kinda sucks, but oh well. i guess brittney is going out with sean now. a little weird considering the circumstances in the past. im happy for her, she's liked him for soo long now. yay brittney!
 
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shit balls   
08:13am 26/10/2004
 
mood: blah
why does this school have to suck so bad? i hate it here. i cant wait til college. i know no one wants to hear my complaints but what the hell is livejournal for? anywho..i cant wait til nov 9th..last day of health. i hate everyone in that class and the teachers a bitch.

today is my moms surgery..i hope she wakes up. its bothering me..i want to see her. im going with ricky and marv to see her after school. like anyone cares.

this kid at lunch called me ugly and then denied it. i want to pop a cap in his white ass! josh and colin were talking shit about me..assholes..but mandi and danny saved the day!!

i feel like the internet is rebelling against me. it refuses to let me finish my latin project that was due yesturday. i dont have a faggot computer of my own and rickys printers fucked and the schools computer wont let me go to the website or yahoo. what the fuck is up with that??

brians on my ass about me going to this museum with him and his mom. i really dont want to go. he wants us to stay friends cuz he wants to get back with me and i dont want to. the only way to get him to get over me is to just stop comunication with him. i know its mean but its just what i think is best. im happy with ricky and im not going to fuck it up.

on a good note:
i get to stay over rickys for the next two nights. his mom gave me a key to his house. awesome.
 
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whoa!   
10:37pm 25/10/2004
 
mood: quixotic
bad:

bitches

shit talkers

asshole teachers

detention

pain in the ass projects


happy:

ricky

movie-not yet finished

dw pizza

cuddling

house key!!

wed. and thurs. night!

oh happy day...


oh me lucky charms..theyre magically delicious
 
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